uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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