the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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