We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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