Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
