So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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