before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
