There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
what day is it and did you see me today?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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