Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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