Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
