You really coming over, don't trick.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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