If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
