On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
