It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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