Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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