i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
