Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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