let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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