Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
