My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Text me some of your sweat
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