it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
ttyl tear gas
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Randomize
