my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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