i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
