is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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