ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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