Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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