Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
