the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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