Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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