No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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