the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
we're making bets on your personal life
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
