vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
