lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
