My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
