Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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