Plan B is the new Plan A
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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