dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
