is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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