I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize