yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
