They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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