No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She's the barista slut.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
