Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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