he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
