Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
