Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
