Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
