We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
