I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
