At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
