I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I love you.
Bad choice
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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