I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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