Already got asked if we're dating
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
