You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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