Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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