why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Randomize
