I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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