3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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