And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
