9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
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