Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
