I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
