If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
