And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize