where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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