she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
