Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
