I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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