Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
